For a while now, I have wondered if there is something wrong with me. I feel tired, all of the time. I had hoped that Christmas would be an opportunity to recharge my batteries, but lovely as it was, the constant ebb and flow of guests from the 24th until 2nd Jan just served to exhaust me further. Thus, I limped out of 2014 into 2015. In my heart, I’d hoped from the 1st Jan I’d start limbering up, flexing those muscles and breaking into at least a steady jog, but it hasn’t happened. There is a willingness of mind and purpose, but my body just says no, every part of me aches, from my eyelids to my ankles.
A notebook, with a life list of tasks for this year, lies abandoned on the desk. My colourful new trainers, a present from Santa, have hit the gym for a mere 5 minutes. Each day, I spend squinting after putting the lights on by 11am, in the dim January light; my eyes watering with tiredness. This week, I have faced the fact; I am just exhausted. I’ve thought about the lack of energy to exercise, to start or complete projects, to socialise (although I force myself to do this), to blog, the inability to sleep - despite feeling so tired. I have come to the conclusion that I can’t carry on like this. I feel like I’m 79 not 39. It’s ridiculous.
There are some things I cannot change. EB’s early morning waking for example. Yet, I can go to bed earlier - even if I find it difficult to sleep, I am still resting. I can allow myself one cup of coffee - but then I should switch to tea - if I feel I need another pep up during the day, as I know that coffee later than 3pm keeps me awake. The house still isn’t finished, and there is still so much to do. This place is like the Forth bridge, I’m not sure we’ll ever get to the end. Cracks are now appearing in the fresh plaster work and the snagging list runs to 8 pages of A4. I keep putting off the meeting with the builder because it feels like such a mammoth task but the reality is, I just need to get on with it and I will feel better when it’s done.
How do you start running from a standing (or should that be stooping?) start? Is the question I keep asking myself. (Literally and metaphorically - those trainers aren’t going to wear themselves out on their own.) I think I’ve finally got to the answer. The only way is to work through the pain.
I want to feel more energised in 2015. This is my year. The year of thirty-ten. If I do nothing, how can I expect to feel better? I just need to start gently and work up in small increments. I have been reading ‘The Happiness Project’ by Gretchen Ruben this past couple of weeks. The small amount I have read I have found inspiring. After the upheaval of the last two years, order and focus is what I need and there are some wonderful examples and tips in this book of how to achieve it. I particularly like the way the book gives focus to different areas in different months of the year. Gently does it.
Ten days into January, I am still at my standing start but I am determined to battle through the tiredness and energise myself. It starts now; by writing it down, by committing it here.
- Exercise twice a week.
- Go to bed earlier
- Make time for myself to relax and do the things I love (Like write this blog. One thing I have realised, is that I have very little ‘down’ time.)
That’s it. Life in bite size chunks. Tackling a few things at a time. Everything else on my list can come later. February, for instance.
And now, on the 10th January, I’m off - to put on my trainers. Have a lovely weekend. x